Felt Like High School

I am back.

Sorry for the silence.

Been super busy trying to get a contract re-bid out and was given a chance to attend a leadership camp in Hong Kong.

I was driving to work today and i was thinking to myself on how similar it felt now compared to when i was back in high school.

Rewind back one week ago, i was on my way to Hong Kong for a leadership camp organised by the company.

I work in a 45,000 strength company across 11 business lines. I am just a speck of dust serving in a small business line.

The leadership camp were attended by another 30 colleagues which i have not met, heard or even emailed before. They were in a different business line; all of them. They are all designers, architects, landscapers, planners. They come from a very esteemed business line that move, and rock the industry. Their presentation are never short of impressive - graphic wise. Makes the usual technical presentation look like boring rocket science that will get you dozed off after 3 minutes.

I was the ONLY one from a business line different from theirs. Infact, this leadership camp was meant JUST for their business line. I was, as they said "our featured guest".

I've learnt a lot in those 4 days, 3 nights i was there. I got some stuff to share, which i will do so via this blog. Keep tuned and keep coming back. I promise it will be worth your time.

I was handpicked by my leader, which explained why i was the only one that was different. There was me, and there were all of them.

Daunting. I am put into a pool of this business line future leaders. The same mover and shaker that will take over when the time comes. Daunting.

Felt like highschool. Very.

Back to today, i was driving to work.

I can't help thinking how much it felt like back in school. I was an active fler. I joined every club there was. I want to be a leader in all of them if i could. I want to stand up. I want to stand OUT. I thrive on leading. Kiasu.

Today, in this office i am working in. After 2.5 years here. I moved up three two grades. I changed name card and designation 4 times. My working CV looked impressive (if it make sense). I am the HSSE (health, safety, security and environment) lead for the country. I am the country manager serving an US based O&G client. I was the country manager for a Dutch based O&G client. Above all that, i am the group manager looking after all the O&G client there are in this country and i have 26 people reporting to me. The group make up half the office; with the other half split between Admin/Finance and the other group of five people. 

In short, it is like high school.  

Yesterday, i was called into the room by my country manager i.e. my direct boss. I was presented with an opportunity as the office will see a re-org soon. I was offered to take over and be a regional program manager for two of the three multinational O&G company. I will have Thailand, Singapore, Philippines, Brunei, Laos, Indonesia, Hong Kong reporting to me for these two clients. 

This is ON TOP of what i am doing now in the office as per above.

High school. Very.

Same afternoon, i was called into the room by my boss' boss. He explained to me, or rather, tried to explain how i am and will always be there to take on more - and excel in it.

Lets face it. Economy isn't doing too well and we are effected one way or another. Cost cutting is in the agenda and they are looking at me to pick up more - at no cost.

At no cost.

That shattered my hope.

I was disappointed.

I gave and i continue to give relentlessly. 

I created such a niche for myself that i can't find any successor to take over my position. As arrogant as i sound, i am almost ( say almost as no one is really) indispensible (something i've learnt too during the leadership camp; create a niche for yourself and you are indispensible - i've done that without realising)

And here i am, again, like high school, losing out on my benefit compared to a pseudo-expat.

The fact that i am bitching about it here, well, that's high school too.

I believe you all that read this, got my drift.

Question is : Should i bite the apple that was presented in front of me now and be the Regional lead, commanding well over 120 project managers, engineers and technicians?